i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
