Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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