I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
