Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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