just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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