dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize