I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
