so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Randomize
