You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
