Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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