I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
