Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
