Yo dont text me then not text me
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
