Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
