We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
