at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
