First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
