She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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