Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
