wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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