Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
