Im at strip club and am horny
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
