Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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