I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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