just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
