god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
operation have a gay friend backfired
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
