Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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