Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
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we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
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Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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