she woke up with a sticky ear
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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