you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.