i used baking grease as lip gloss
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.