Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific