He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
