i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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