I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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