WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
