i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
