you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
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You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
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You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
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