apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
