I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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