I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
