so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
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