I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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