Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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