so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Randomize
