Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
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He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
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'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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