where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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