im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
