Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
