if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
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Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
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She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
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