I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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