Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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