I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
