Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
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