I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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