wrigley field is MILF paradise
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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