grandma shit on top of the toilet
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Damn victory sex feels great
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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