Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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