i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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