remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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