Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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