I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize